The value of particular tasks might be debatable, but the concept of building something is interesting...
Musing about my Grandfather's view of the world... is there any separation between what you do, the various roles you play, and some reality of intrinsic value in spite of anything you do?
A lot people (from my anecdotal research) seem to want to believe that their spirit/soul/core stuff is somehow independent of what they actually do. I do get the idea of believing there is some constant, some worth in you that doesn't rely at all on your actions, but I'm not so sure anymore they are able to be separated as easily as I once may have believed. What if you are consistently choosing to be mean, for example? Regardless of whether you think you have good reasons to act mean in response to current or historical events, maybe there is a direct link with your spirit/soul/heart/core (pick a word that works for you).
My point is maybe the core of you evolves over time. You might have lots of good historical reasons, conscious or otherwise, that contribute to your current choices, and people may or may not forgive you for your previous actions. And even if they forgive you they may still choose to avoid you, based on the probability that you may continue to act in certain ways. What I'm hoping is that souls do evolve and that whatever you are supposed to be learning slowly seeps into a permanent change in the way you do the things you do, and that your spirit becomes more and more generous and caring in all the ways that we admire when we see and experience it.
We all want that stuff don't we? It seems to me that we are born with particular personalities and 'happiness set points' (to quote Marci Shimoff) for example... but regardless of the cards you were dealt, it's what you do with your hand that really counts.
Consider for a second someone battling cancer, or someone living with a permanent disability. Who are the ones that inspire us, give us warm enthusiastic feelings that help us see life as connection, a triumph over what is, versus a slightly flawed (or close to perfect) physical body or set of seemingly 'natural' abilities or other attributes that we didn't work particularly hard to master? It's the individuals that actually do something extraordinary in their challenge to what is, their courage to go beyond what is expected, not using their disability or condition as an excuse to be served or do nothing to contribute to their own well-being or the welfare of those around them; they are the special ones that move us. It's the stuff they offer back that gets noticed, not the intrinsic value of life that I hope we all take for granted in some important way. Life to me seems to be inherently precious, but what you do with your connection to life appears to matter just as much.
So, I'm not sure you can separate what you do from who you are. Though I really do hope you can separate it from what you have done, at least long enough to learn and then do something different, now.
We all understand very well the historical consequences of careless words and action, so I'm suggesting that often the best you can do in this moment is truly let go of your historical stupidity, learn as best you can from the detail of what you did and remember the dominoes that fell in different directions as a result (some creating nice patterns, others a destructive mess); resolve to allow the memory to remain without the self denigration, then hopefully when faced with a similar choice you will leave some dominoes alone.
Deliberately removing one or two dominoes from strategic places (moments) can make all the difference to the big picture. Little actions make a massive difference.
...a while to build - seconds to fall
Don't you wish you could slow things down sometimes to give yourself that extra moment for your intuitive wisdom to flow (vs your instinctive fool). I think you can..!
Duck peers at the reflection in the pond