Another marvelous conversation with the 'garden philosophers' (refer to Epicurus below if you want the 'garden' context).
It seems I have to keep re-learning why it is that the majority of my life personal and professional has been centered around delinquency. Eureka moment tonight when in the conversation 'between', I recognised [again] that delinquency is not random at all. It appears to make no sense to those witnessing or caught up in some of the chaos, but the public delinquent statements that appear so random are not always unconscious, and even if they are unconscious, they still might not be random...
Each day I get a little closer to John Nash's view of the world (i.e. Russell Crowe's character in 'A beautiful mind') "I don't believe in luck, but I do believe in assigning value to things."
Chaos this afternoon where once again I thought I had offered too many choices [this compulsion leaps to life in every context]. I watched almost as a bystander as events unfolded beautifully in a seemingly random cascade of options. In hindsight it was magical. There are going to be a lot of complex, and probably heated conversations that sprung from one moment where I offered three choices, but I'm less nervous about the fallout than I used to be.
I have assigned value to that process. I believe that doors were flung open that needed a serious nudge. There was noise and confusion about what was happening, and what might need to be addressed behind the doors of those rooms. Now everyone involved has an opportunity to adjust their sense of value. It's not that I deliberately and randomly kick down doors [I wish I'd left some locked at times], it's just that I'm increasingly brave enough to knock.
Back to delinquency. The clown that developed in primary years was responding to a black and white concrete jungle of concepts that didn't even make logical sense to a nine year old, let alone a teenager. So by the time I was sixteen I had accidentally studied philosophy and stock piled grenades to liven up any conservative party. Now with 0.0002 more consciousness I'm starting to realise why there's a deep longing for connection with family (whether blood or philosophical kin). Someone to walk back into the cave with and share the meaning, 'assign some value'.
It's magic but it's no longer luck from where I'm standing. It may appear an illusory correlation, but for me I'm assigning a pallet load of value to the conversation with [chosen] family members where the insight grows 'between'. It's not random at all, you can deliberately create it...
Gliding Duck appreciating the formation
John and Alicia - "A Beautiful Mind"