― Paulo Coelho, Alchemist
Yep, a dreamer. Always have been... it's taken me to some pretty cool places, and some really dark one's. It's also opened my heart to some things that I had no clue about.
Promised myself again a week ago that I would continue to dream of ways to improve things, even though often I just want to run away, do something simple to earn a living. Fade into the background. Maybe I can where I am now, in spite of the persona that has materialised to date. But I will continue to dream and to work to bring them to life, till death do us part - my dreams and me.
I promised myself that I would keep dreaming as a result of being thrown in the deep end again. There were seven people that heard my dreams (not all at once). They asked. I apologised as I shared, as I often do, because I never want anyone to experience my statements and stories as presumptuous, pompous, polished mantras for others to adopt (but paradoxically the apologies don't sound like apologies, more like excuses about lack of preparedness to walk). It just seems that I keep getting invited to say what I've seen on the path. I want to walk more slowly, but I often sense the judgment as I moderate the pace, and then ironically trip and start bleeding as I try to catch up to expectations.
So I'm lucky I'm thinking (does not always feel like luck, but it really is), 'cause I have hundreds of dreams, and I really do feel for those who don't seem to have any. I think I annoy some of them. It's not my intention. I've tried to drag them into dreams many times, 'cause I want the dreams to be real for lots of people. You mostly get told that you're nuts for dreaming. I don't dream to reduce my suffering. I don't seem to get a choice. I just dream. I'll die dreaming. Dreaming that it makes more sense to dream and create, than to try to fit in with the status quo... People often give up on me when a particular dream doesn't materialise. I understand that. Makes a lot of sense. But it doesn't mean the dream was not ever able to be realised, just that the particles might have been needed elsewhere...
I fear that if I walk too slowly that the dreams might stop, die. What if dark reality is all there is when you stop dreaming. I've seen it on lots of faces. I don't want that living nightmare.
I dreamt one breath...
it just happened, was really nice (it slowed the particles and some things felt solid for a split second)
Slightly slower Duck